Almost Lover
by pokeitlikejello
Summary: Huddy. This contains what we all wish and know! goes on between our Huddy behind closed doors. Delves into past Huddy as well. At least, an interpretation on what could have happened and just me having some hot and angsty Huddy fun. M mainly for language
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, first, I don't own House M.D., nor the characters in any way, shape, or form. (It's a sad admittance.)**

**This is an interesting fic. It starts in the present time of the chapter, but then goes to a flashback. As the chapters go on, the time between the present and the flashback grows closer until the last chapter. I don't know if that's weird/confusing or not. Um. The time frame is around the end of Season Three and continues on into Season Four, so there will be spoilers for four.**

**This is heavily influenced by the song **_**Almost Lover**_** by A Fine Frenzy. I recommend it considering it's one of the saddest songs I've ever heard. And I didn't include the lyrics because this isn't a song!fic (for once). So,**_** all**_** of that being said... Here's the fic. (**_**Finally**_**. I know, right?)**

* * *

House limped his way into Cuddy's office. She looked up from her desk, watching him as he closed the door. He turned to her, a look of expectancy on his face. After all, she was the one that called him to her office.

"I'm only going to ask this of you once." Cuddy stared at him, not the least bit pleased. "Keep your penis in your pants."

House cocked his head to the side and took a further step into the room. "Care to repeat that?"

"Stop fucking women at this hospital," Cuddy told him. "Two gone in a year and a half. You're starting to get a track record."

"It would help if I knew what the hell you were talking about," House replied, the confusion clearly evident on his face.

"You're telling me you had nothing to do with Dr. Cameron's resignation?" Cuddy asked him, assuming he was merely playing with her.

"Of course I had something to do with it, but I never slept with her." House straightened, suspicious. "Why? Did she imply-"

"She didn't imply anything," Cuddy harshly cut him off.

"Well, if your little theory is correct, I guess it means I slept with Foreman too." House approached her desk.

Cuddy ignored him. "Your sleeping with Stacy drove her away pretty damn fast. I just assumed it worked the same with Cameron."

House stopped in his tracks and his eyebrows drew together. Cuddy closed her mouth and looked away from him. She sucked in a deep breath through her nose before bringing her gaze back to him. He took a careful step forward.

"You knew." His eyes were locked with hers.

Cuddy frowned. "Yeah, I-"

"She told you?" House cut her off.

"No," Cuddy answered him.

House's suspicions were growing. "You figured it out."

Cuddy gave a shrug. "Something like that."

"Why didn't you say-" House began to ask.

"And what was I suppose to say?" Cuddy stood up from her chair as she cut him off. "Why would I have even cared?"

"Exactly," House agreed. He fought the smirk that tugged at the corners of his mouth. "You hated Stacy."

"I didn't hate Stacy." Cuddy turned from him and sifted through a pile of files.

"You were jealous." The smirk spread.

"No," Cuddy denied, her back to him still.

"Admit it," House tried to stare her backside down. He hoped she could feel the heat of his stare.

"You're an adult, House." Cuddy turned, a file in her hand. "You can do whatever you want."

"But, that doesn't mean you can't be upset about it," House replied.

"I wasn't jealous and I wasn't upset." Cuddy dropped the file to her desk. "I just have a problem when your actions cause my employees to quit."

House held up a finger. "For the record, I didn't sleep with Cameron."

"Good." Cuddy seated herself.

"But, you didn't bring this up because you had a problem with it," House said, his eyes still on her.

"No?" Cuddy flipped open the file, trying to show him she was disinterested in whatever he had to say.

"No," House repeated. "You brought it up because you wanted to know."

Her tone was authoritative. "It's my job to make sure the employees at this hospital-"

"_Your job_ has nothing to do with it," House smirked again.

Cuddy brought her eyes up to meet his. "My job has everything to do with it." She lowered her eyes back to the file and sighed. "It has a lot to do with... everything, House."

* * *

Cuddy stepped into his office. "Stacy just quit." 

"Yeah?" House turned to face her as he slid on his jacket.

"Know anything about that?" Cuddy asked him, but she already knew he did.

"Nope." House shrugged and reached for his cane.

Cuddy crossed the room. "What did you do?"

"Absolutely nothing," House responded, slightly annoyed at Cuddy's accusations. "She just couldn't hack being around someone so charming all the time."

"House, we were _lucky_ to have her here to deal with you." Cuddy sighed. "Now, who am-"

"Some second rate lawyer." House shrugged again. "Big deal, Cuddy. They'll do their job."

"What did you say to her?" Cuddy was certain she gave it away that she wanted to know out of her own curiosity.

"I told her I was madly in love with her." House picked up his backpack and slid it over his shoulder.

Cuddy didn't believe him. At least, she didn't want to. "I want you to apologize for whatever you did."

House drew back, staring at Cuddy as if she was out of her mind. "No."

"House," Cuddy tried to reason.

"I have nothing to apologize for because I didn't _do_ anything," House said forcefully.

"Fine," Cuddy replied and headed for the door.

House let out a quiet sigh. "What did she tell you?"

Cuddy spun around, her hand on the door handle. "What?"

"For leaving," House clarified.

"She said that since Mark was well enough to go home, she wanted to be home with him." Cuddy was searching his face for any sign of remorse. "It was only temporary anyway. She didn't want the commute."

"There ya go," House offered it as the truth.

"Yeah," Cuddy agreed, almost sadly.

She turned away from him again, her thoughts wondering about what really happened between Stacy and House in Baltimore, including those the days following their trip. She knew something happened. After all, Stacy practically blurted everything out.

But, now Cuddy had to try to push those thoughts away along with the tight clenching in her chest. She didn't get angry and she didn't get jealous. Not when it came to House and his relationships anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the feedback, guys! I appreciate it. (I say that a lot, but it's true.) This is chapter two out of four. Enjoy!!**

* * *

Cuddy popped her head into the classroom. "In my office. Now."

She was gone in an instant. House smirked and looked out at the group in front of him. They watched him, wondering what he had done now since he was the infamous Gregory House.

"What can I say?" House asked them. "She _wants_ me."

With that, he slid off the desk in the front of the room and limped his way out. When he reached her office, she was standing in front of her desk, arms folded across her chest. As soon as the door clicked shut, she began.

"How dare you?" Cuddy asked him.

"Hm." House looked to her, pondering this. "How dare me. Now, what is it-"

"You know damn well what you did," Cuddy cut him off. She stayed grounded in order to fight the need to slap him.

House shook his head. "No, can't say-"

Cuddy stared him down. "Robert Fischer."

House frowned. "Doesn't ring any bells."

"No?" Cuddy raised her eyebrows. "That's strange considering you thought it was a fantastic idea to call him and cancel my lunch plans. I was waiting alone for almost an hour-"

"_Oh_." House cut in. "Robert. Yeah, you didn't want to have lunch with him."

Cuddy pointed an angry finger. "You had no right to cancel-"

House shrugged and made his way over to her couch. "I was just having some fun."

"Some fun?" Cuddy repeated. "That's even worse than having a reason based purely on selfishness and jealousy."

"What can I say?" House contemplated sitting, but then turned to Cuddy. "I'm heartless."

Cuddy folded her arms across her chest again. "No, you're an egotistical maniac who can't let anyone around him have happiness if he can't."

"That's not true," House offered, but didn't care all that much considering Cuddy wasn't finished with her rant yet.

"Not true?" She always repeated his words when she was pissed. "You hound Wilson, you mess with his things, you steal his lunch, his car, his money. You come in here and pester me every single day. We're your _only_ friends, if I go as far as considering you my friend, and yet you feel the need to drive us away because we're trying to live sane lives with a goal of being happy."

"Being happy is over-" House appeared bored as he again offered to the conversation.

"But, no, you can't let us have that, can you?" Cuddy went on. "You need to be around people who feel just as crappy as you do. I mean, you've _never_ even bothered to meet Robert, and I really like him and I actually had the time to have lunch with him and you _had_ to ruin it for me."

"You're angry," House said flatly.

Cuddy let out a small laugh of disbelief. She couldn't quite understand that after her entire wind, all he could say was that she was angry. Of course, it was true she was angry and her words were spoken because of the anger she felt, but there was some truth behind them.

"Of course I'm angry." Cuddy shot daggers at him. "You only try to ruin my life when I'm in a relationship that has some potential. Let me guess, Wilson mentioned how much I like the guy."

"It might have come up." House shrugged.

"Fine," Cuddy replied. "I'll be honest with you. I like Robert. I like him a lot. And I'm not giving him up just because you're having a hard time dealing with it."

House crossed back over to the center of the room. "I don't have a problem with you dating a Neo-Nazi."

"A Neo-Nazi?" Cuddy dropped her arms to her sides.

"Have you _seen_ his clothes?" House asked her. "Or were you too concerned about getting them _off_?"

"He's not a Neo-Nazi." Cuddy frowned. "Now, stop canceling my dates or I'll double your clinic duty."

"That's blackmail," House said.

Cuddy kept her eyes locked with his. "I know."

* * *

"I like this side of you."

"Stop staring at my ass."

"How can I stop staring when I know under this very thin fabric, you're completely in the buff?"

Cuddy knew she couldn't ignore him as she was, indeed, naked underneath her bed sheet. House was in his boxers near the head of the bed. She was on her stomach, her arms folded over each other in front of her, and her chin resting on her arms.

"Oh, the way you have with words, Dr. House," Cuddy said. "So sentimental."

"What can I say?" He smirked. "I'm a sensitive guy."

"Right," Cuddy agreed with a roll of her eyes.

House disappeared beneath the bed sheet and began his trail of kisses starting from the side of her left thigh and moving upward until he reached her ribs. He ran his stubble across the flesh over her ribs. Cuddy turned toward him and pulled the bed sheet down, exposing his head.

His smile growing, House slid up next to her, facing her, as he was turned on his side. He rested his elbow on mattress and supported his head with the palm of his hand. Cuddy lowered herself back down on her stomach and placed her head on her arms. She looked to House, a smile on her face as well.

"You're glowing," Cuddy said to him.

"And you're blindingly beaming," House replied.

"Sentimental."

"I try."

Cuddy closed her eyes, letting out a sigh. House settled down on his back. He reached over and pushed down the thin sheet, exposing Cuddy's bare flesh. He began to rub the soft skin of her back with his knuckles.

"Mmm." Cuddy's eyebrows drew together as her eyes remained closed. "You're going to have to leave soon."

"Why?" House asked, his voice hoarse with a hint of tiredness.

"No sleep overs," Cuddy muttered, her words almost cut off as House worked at the tension of a knot in her back.

House added some pressure. "Again, _why_?"

Cuddy let out a breath. "I don't even let Jared stay over, why would I-"

House stopped and drew his hand back. "Wait a second, are you implying you and Goliath had sex?"

"Stop calling him Goliath and yes." Cuddy opened her eyes and looked to House. "Jared and I agreed that we weren't going to be exclusive right away and _we_ certainly aren't anything, so I didn't think you of all people would have a problem with-"

House sat up. "I hope you changed the sheets at least."

"We did it in the living room." Cuddy pulled the bed sheet around herself as she forced herself to sit up as well.

House frowned. "I wish I'd have known that before I sat on the-"

"And in the kitchen," Cuddy added.

House's eyes widened and his tone was laced with shock. "Lisa Cuddy, I don't-"

"But, never in the bedroom," she finished.

House dropped his act, watching her carefully. "That's interesting."

"Why do you only find me attractive when I'm with someone else?" Cuddy asked the question she thought was interesting. "Is it because you only want what you can't have?"

"Well, I seemed to have proved that wrong since I have you _now_," House replied.

"But, you don't have me at all." Cuddy's eyes remained on him.

"This isn't just about me." House forced himself out of her bed and began to dress. "It's more fun for the both of us when we know we can't. Or shouldn't."

Cuddy looked away from him. She knew this meant something more. They had loyalties to each other. Loyalties they never discussed. It had always been this way between them. And it always would be. It was better when they felt there were no strings attached because so often, they felt completely entwined in one another.

"I'm gonna go," House told her now that he was fully dressed.

"Goodnight." Cuddy slid her hands over her bare arms, willing her sudden goosebumps away.

"Are you upset?" He reached for his cane.

"What is there to be upset about?" Cuddy gave him a smile that masked the pain House knew she was concealing and it nearly killed him.

"Nothing." House shrugged. "I was just making sure."

"I'm a big girl, House," Cuddy told him. "I can take care of myself."

House's eyebrows drew together. "I thought I was Greg tonight."

"No." She shook her head ever so slightly. "You were House."

"Funny." House made his way to the door. "You were Lisa."

And with that, he let himself out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello, everyone. Thank you for all the feedback thus far. As to address the confusion (I knew it was confusing). Each first part is in chronological order as the chapters go on, but each second part is a flashback to that chapter.**

**So, in the last chapter, Cuddy was presently dating Robert (during the beginning of season four time since House was addressing the classroom of prospective team members at the beg.), but in the flashback (which would have been sometime during season three when Cuddy was dating/looking for donors), that's when she was dating Jared. Sorry for the confusion!! I knew it was going to be. I should have done it better/differently.**

**For this chapter, the first part takes place in season four and the flashback occurs during season four, but about a week or two before the first part of the chapter. (I hope explaining that isn't confusing. I'm really sorry guys. ) However, the last chapter (next chapter) takes place in complete present time, so no flashback and no confusion! Yay!**

* * *

"I'm not yours," Cuddy told him as he followed her into her office.

"I never said you were," House replied, pushing the door closed with his cane.

"That's what you believe." Her eyes met his for one brief moment before she directed them to her desk as she made her way across the room.

"No, it's not." House rolled his eyes at her backside.

"Yes, it is." Cuddy suddenly stopped and faced him. "You've become very possessive of me."

"What are you talking about, Cuddy?" House was confused. "I'm not a caveman. I don't think-"

"I didn't mean it to be offensive," Cuddy cut him off.

"So, you wouldn't be pissed if I said I owned you?" House stepped further into the room.

"There's a difference between owning someone and having someone as yours," Cuddy told him and moved around her desk.

"Right," House agreed, but he still didn't fully understand her point.

Cuddy froze on the other side of her desk, both hands palm down on her desk as her head was bowed. She let out a sigh. "What are we doing, House?"

"We're-"

"You know what I mean." Cuddy lifted her head and cut him off before he could give her a wise ass response.

"No." It was his turn to sigh. "What _do_ you mean?"

"We see each other every day and we engage in this... tug of war," Cuddy was still trying to grasp what they were. "What does it mean? Is it nothing? Is it something? Does it make it too much by demanding a definition? I just... I don't know."

"Where is this coming from?" House wasn't up for this kind of conversation.

"From the place we put things we don't ever talk about," Cuddy replied and sat down in her chair.

"So why don't we leave it there?" House asked and approached her desk.

"I wish we could." Cuddy stared up at him, feeling exhausted.

"I don't love you," House said, stopping about a foot from her desk.

"Okay." Cuddy took that in and stood up. "So, we should stop fucking around whenever the mood strikes."

Her harshness threw him off. "We don't have to stop just because love isn't there."

"Love isn't there for _you_," Cuddy's eyes burned into him.

House lowered his gaze. He felt the corners of his lips twitch. He wanted to smile, knowing that she loved him. Not only did she care for him, but she loved him. He dropped the emotion from his face and lifted his head.

"This is it, then?" he asked.

"It'll be better this way," Cuddy told him. "Less... stressful."

"For who?" House's eyebrows drew together. "I won't be getting any."

"I'm trying to have a serious adult conversation here." The annoyance in Cuddy's voice hit him hard, but he still held up his defense.

"About how much you love me." His tone was playful.

"My..._ love_ for you comes with a hell of an amount of baggage," Cuddy said. "Hate, concern, pity, care, fear-"

"Throw those out and just keep the fun bags," House suggested.

Cuddy shook her head. "I knew it was pointless to try to have this conversation with you."

"Guess I'm too immature." House shrugged.

"Only when you want to be," Cuddy replied. "I just don't understand why it's necessary now."

"There's a lot you don't understand," House's voice softened just a touch.

Cuddy softened slightly as well. "Care to explain it to me?"

His voice hardened. "No."

* * *

"You've got to be kidding me." Cuddy stared in disbelief from behind her desk in her office. 

"Nope," House replied brightly and swung his cane over his backside.

"You just... _hired_ her?" Cuddy still couldn't believe it.

"She was with the CIA," House gave a shrug and swung his cane back down. "_They_ hired her. That has to mean something."

Cuddy frowned. "The only reason you hired her was because she has a nice ass."

"So you noticed." House gave a slight nod of approval.

"She can't stay." Cuddy shook her head. "Not unless you plan on only hiring one more person from your array of potential candidates."

"Or unless you fire Foreman." House crossed the room. "Then, I can hire two again."

"I'm not firing Foreman." Cuddy's eyes were locked on House's. "Ever."

"Never ever?" House practically whined.

"Never ever," Cuddy reinforced. "Now go."

His eyebrows drew together in his suspicions. "That's it?"

Cuddy gave him a look and flipped open a chart on her desk. "If she's still here by tomorrow, then you only get to hire one more team member. That's all I'm going to say."

House watched her for a reaction. "So if I keep Dr. Terzi...?"

Cuddy tore her eyes from the chart. "Then you live with your decision. House, I don't care. I just want you to have three members of your team picked."

"You don't like her," House said plainly.

Cuddy directed her eyes back down to the chart. "Don't even get started-"

"You don't like her because she's hotter than you," House continued on.

"Yes, that's exactly it," Cuddy humored him with her sarcasm.

"You don't want the competition." House began back towards the closed office door. "Stacy was your competition and now Dr. Terzi is because she's just as powerful as you are. In the looks, in the stride- "

"I'm not even going to bother to defend myself," Cuddy cut him off, feigning interest in the chart.

"Because it's true." House turned in front of the door.

"Because there's no hope in reasoning with a delusional man," Cuddy hissed in response.

"If you don't want me to hire her, just say so," House told her.

Cuddy snapped the chart shut and stood. "You can hire whoever you want, House, just as long a they do their job."

"Ah, you say that, but you don't want me to hire anyone that can top you," House believed he had her.

Cuddy crossed the room, wanting to open the door and force House out since he wasn't getting the hint she was busy. "Why is this always about some sort of problem that has to do with me?"

"Because we never gave it an actual go and you don't want anyone treading on your toes," House stated as if it was obvious.

"I don't want a relationship with you." Cuddy reached for the door handle.

"That's because we never had a chance." He paused, thinking it over. "We were always terrible with timing. By the way, how's Robert?"

Cuddy dropped her hand to her side. "He was intimidated by you and ended it a week ago."

"Oh?" House raised his eyebrows.

Cuddy frowned at him. "Please. Don't hide your happiness. It's not like I had feelings for him or anything."

"I'm sorry," House offered sincerely.

"You are not," Cuddy replied.

There was a sharp bang against the door as House suddenly pressed Cuddy against it. She was just thankful the blinds happened to be down. Cuddy quickly turned the lock on the door handle as House's hands ran down her sides to her hips. He kissed her, nipping her bottom lip with his teeth.

House worked on unbuttoning Cuddy's shirt and she slightly trembled beneath him, wanting her shirt to be on the floor already. She pushed his suit jacket off his shoulders, his button up shirt falling to the floor with it.

Cuddy shrugged out of her shirt and House brought his mouth away from hers as she pulled his tee shirt over his head and let it drop to the floor. He pressed her against the door again, producing another quick bang. House gave her a kiss on the lips before moving on to her neck.

She let out a low moan, a pressure pulsing in her lower abdomen. He smiled and his stubble scratched her soft flesh as he moved his lips to her ear and gently nibbled on her earlobe. Cuddy pulled him closer, wanting the heat of his body against hers.

The knock on her office door made her push him away, almost causing him to fall. Cuddy realized her mistake and grabbed on to House in order to support him because of his damaged thigh.

"Ah, who is it?" Cuddy called to the door.

After she was sure House was steady, she snatched her shirt from the floor and hurriedly put it on.

"It's James." Wilson's voice came through the door. "I need your signatures on a few papers for a trial on a new cancer medication."

House managed well at clothing himself as he balanced mainly on one leg. He only needed to put on his suit jacket. Cuddy was having a bit more trouble after she missed a button and had to start again.

"I would have called, but House cut my phone cord this morning," Wilson went on and Cuddy shot House a look. He shrugged. Wilson continued, "I'm still waiting to get a new one. Dr. Cuddy?"

"Uh, yeah," Cuddy smoothed her hands over her hair. "Sorry, I was just..."

Cuddy glanced at House, who appeared presentable with his cane in hand. She pulled open the door and gave a smile to Wilson. He entered her office, but stopped when he saw House.

"What were you doing?" Wilson asked. He looked to Cuddy suspiciously. "And why were the blinds down?"

"Margery forget to put them up-" Cuddy began.

"I was getting my daily spanking," House cut Cuddy off. He made his way to the door, his eyes on her. "Same time tomorrow, Doc?"

House hurried out, still trying to cool himself down after the heat in Cuddy's office. Cuddy looked to Wilson and hoped her face wasn't too flushed. Wilson dropped his suspicions, figuring Cuddy was too sensible to do anything shady in the hospital.

He extended the papers to her. "I marked where you have to sign."


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you everyone for your tremendous feedback. This is the ****last chapter****. I hope you enjoy it :o)**

* * *

"Don't even think about following me into my-" Cuddy frowned as House did the one thing she didn't want him to do. "House."

House shut the door to her office and began closing the blinds. "What?"

"House." Cuddy tried again, her hands on her hips.

Once the blinds were down, House turned to Cuddy and pulled her toward him. She tried to break away, but his grip was stronger and she wasn't really fighting that hard anyway.

"Don't," he told her simply and kissed her.

House ran his fingers into her hair and gently pulled so she turned her head enough to expose her neck. He ran his stubble against her jawbone and began to work on the soft spot just behind her ear.

"God," she breathed, her eyes willing themselves closed. Cuddy let the moment take her over before she forced her eyes back open. "House."

"Don't," he warned again.

"We can't-"

"Killing the mood," House growled against her skin.

"It needs to be killed." Cuddy stepped away from him.

"Damn it," House cursed and limped toward the door to pick up his cane where he left it.

"House, we're trying to end this," Cuddy told him.

House faced her, cane in hand. "End what?"

"Don't play dumb with me," Cuddy replied. "This thing we have going. Had going since-"

"You're the only one trying to end it," House cut her off.

"Yeah, I realize that," Cuddy spat back.

House approached her. "Why does it need to end anyway? To quote Mick-"

Cuddy raised a pointed finger. "Don't even start with-"

"'You get what you need,'" he offered with a shrug.

Cuddy glared. "I warned you."

"What are you going to do?" House asked unafraid. "Punish me?"

"Yeah, maybe," Cuddy went along with it.

House smirked. "Well, then-"

"I didn't mean it like that." Cuddy was shooting daggers at him. "Go ahead, House. Rub me the wrong way. I'll end your antics in a second by piling you with neglected paper work and clinic duty."

"Antics?" House repeated, wanting to know what she was referring to. It could have been anything really.

"Capture the flag," Cuddy replied. "Only the flag was my _thong_-"

"You loved that," House told her, leaning in with a smile on his face.

Cuddy frowned. "No, I-"

"Besides, punishing me will only hurt you." House drew himself back. "I'll fill the forms out completely wrong and make a mess in the clinic. Actually, I'll make my team fill out the forms wrong. The clinic stuff I can do on my-"

"Do you remember what it was like before?" she cut him off.

"Before what?" House kept up with her sudden change of subject. "Before you hired me? Before we slept together? Before we met?"

"Just... before." Cuddy offered a shrug and turned away from him, making her way toward her couch. "There wasn't a specific time. Back when we... when it was _fun_."

"Well, lately, you've been a killjoy," House pointed out.

"I hate this." Cuddy turned quickly in his direction. "I hate feeling like I'm in a relationship with you when I'm not."

"This isn't a relationship?" House asked, getting a rise out of her, but not really enjoying it.

"You know what I mean, Greg," Cuddy narrowed her eyes at him. "It's just... you can't have both. You can't have me to fuck-"

House let out a slight sigh. "I wish you'd stop saying it like that."

Cuddy ignored his comment. "And then have me as... whatever the hell we are when we're here and not... together. I _want_ a relationship. I _want_ kids. You know that. When we're doing this, I feel guilty when I'm with someone else and you certainly are jealous when I'm with someone that isn't you."

"I'm not jealous-" House attempted to deny the truth.

"Okay, don't admit it." Cuddy was expecting his denial. "But, it's there. Either we become something serious or we end this. And I'm sure we're going to end this because as you've said, you don't love me."

House was quiet for a long time. Cuddy watched him, wondering if she had said too much. Finally, House locked eyes with her.

"Do you love me?" he asked.

"If it was only that simple," she replied.

House gave her a shrug. "So make it uncomplicated."

Cuddy folded her arms across her chest. "You can't just ask me that as if you're asking for my favorite color or what I like to do on weekends. It _is_ a complicated matter. I told you, there's baggage-"

"Baggage aside," House cut in.

"I've never really thought about it with baggage aside," Cuddy said simply.

"You're stalling," House accused.

"Well, what does it matter anyway?" Cuddy quickly became defensive. "_You_ don't love _me_. Who cares about my feelings?"

"I do." House moved closer to her.

"Don't say that." She shook her head.

"We've been through a lot," House went on. "You've always defended me when-"

"Greg, don't," Cuddy tried to stop it. This was too much. There was too much emotion going back and forth.

"I care about you." House now stood directly in front of her.

Cuddy kept her eyes locked with his. "But, you don't _love_ me."

House looked away. "It's not... that."

A small fraction of hope caused Cuddy's voice to drop to a whisper. "Then what is it?"

"I couldn't make you happy." House brought his eyes back up to her. "Our relationship is fine for-"

"Fucking," Cuddy finished his thought.

"But, to make you happy," he paused, "that's something else entirely. I couldn't give you what you want. Maybe what you need."

"Fucking." Cuddy gave a small shrug of her shoulders.

House's eyebrows drew together. "You need to stop saying it like that."

"Well, that's what it is, isn't it?" Cuddy asked him. "Or are you saying our care and love makes it something more? Because if that's the truth, then why the hell are we even questioning this? Are you absolutely, one hundred percent convinced you can't make me happy?"

"Yes," House answered her.

"Then, where's your happiness, Greg?" Cuddy tried to figure him out and receive an honest answer from him. "What about your happiness in all of this?"

"Like I said before, happiness is overrated," House told her.

Cuddy let out a frustrated sigh. "No, it's not."

"Besides, what could I give you?" House asked. "You want kids, you said it."

"You don't?" Cuddy hoped he was lying. And that she could tell.

House kept his eyes locked with hers. "No."

"Are you just saying that to make sure I'll reject you?" She needed the truth now more than ever. "That wouldn't be fair to either of us."

"I'm saying it because it's true," House said.

Cuddy narrowed her eyes. "Greg..."

"Enough with the 'Greg,'" House warned and moved away.

"Why don't you let yourself _feel_ anything?" Cuddy asked his backside.

"I feel plenty, thank you very much." House faced her and indicated his thigh.

"Would it be so bad?" Cuddy swallowed hard. "To be with me? To _have_ someone."

"Yes." His voice was barely audible. The look of hurt on her face caused him to raise his voice back to his normal level. "I can do the no commitment. I can do the thing that doesn't change any part of my life too severely. We have been _this_ for so long that to change it and make it something else... it's unconceivable."

"It doesn't have to be," Cuddy replied forcefully.

"It already _is_," House told her just as forcefully. "Besides, you're going to find someone who will treat you better than I ever would."

"If you stop scaring them off," Cuddy snapped.

"I was only looking out for you." House's honesty softened his tone.

Cuddy always softened when he did. "I don't... I don't want anyone else."

"You do," House insisted, his blue eyes piercing hers.

"Don't try to convince me of what I want," Cuddy said. "Maybe I don't even want kids. Hell, maybe I can't even physically have kids."

House frowned. "Lisa, don't change what you want because-"

"Stop talking about what I want!" Cuddy cut him off. "And you can't 'Lisa' me if I have to stop 'Gregging' you."

House sighed deeply. "I will leave you alone."

"House," Cuddy knew these were her final moments to reason with him. "Don't do this if you're going to be unhappy."

"Cuddy, it's fine." House moved to the door.

"Why does my happiness have to mean more than yours?" The desperation in her voice made him pause for only a second.

He opened the door of her office. "Have a good night, Cuddy."

"House."

It didn't stop him even though she expected it to. House limped out of her office as Cuddy ignored her tears. Without thinking, she went after him. He must have limped very quickly because he was passing through the Clinic doors when she caught up to him.

Cuddy grabbed his arm, her fingernails digging into the tough fabric of his jacket. He faced her and immediately regretted it when he saw her tears. Not even bothering to care about the curious pairs of eyes, Cuddy reached up, her fingers finding their way into his hair. She pulled him towards her and kissed him.

House felt her tears on his cheeks. He wanted so badly to engage in this kiss, in this moment of passion with her, and to continue with it as always. But, he couldn't. Gently, he removed himself from her. She looked up at him, wishing for the words that would command him to stay.

"Lost bet," House announced loud enough for everyone to hear him.

Even if it was the dean of medicine and an employee, the christened "kiss" might have been convincing under different circumstances or if House had forced the kiss on Cuddy. However, his lack of a smirk and the cold appearance in his blue eyes discredited that. Besides, all eyes were also quite aware of the not so hidden tears on her face.


End file.
